Poaching

Poaching: The act of illegally hunting or catching (game or fish) on land that is not one's own or is under official protection.

I love poaching. It’s an art that requires much skill. People have poached for hundreds of years, and there’s no danger in it dying out. The end result is so tasty! I happen to know a poaching secret or two, and so I’m now going to reveal exclusively to readers of Pencil Rubbings my guide to poaching. No, I’m not referring to illegally sneaking onto someone else’s property shooting their pet deer, and dragging it home for dinner. I’m referring to a different type of poaching.


Poaching: Cooking an egg without its shell in or over boiling water.


Eggs can be healthy, if eaten in relative moderation and if cooked in a healthy way. Poaching is one of these ways. The problem with poaching however is how complicated it is. Poaching an egg the traditional way involves putting water and vinegar into a saucepan, boiling it, stirring the water to make a whirlpool, putting in the shell-less egg (if you’re lucky it won’t completely disintegrate into the water), cooking it for a few minutes, and taking it out. Quite a time consuming breakfast that leaves you with heaps of washing up to do afterwards. And so my grandmother, fed up with all this bother just to get herself a delicious and healthy egg for breakfast, decided to experiment with cooking eggs in the newly-invented microwave she'd just bought herself. Of course, this was before all the fuss about what you can and can’t put in a microwave, so I’m sure she may indeed have begun her experimentation by putting a whole egg, in its shell, into the microwave.

(Don’t do that, by the way. Let’s just say you end up with a very sticky situation. And perhaps in need of a new microwave. If you don't believe me, watch some of the YouTube videos.)


So with a little more experimenting, she discovered how to poach an egg in the microwave, with minimal dishes, time, effort, and explosions. She then eventually told my mother, and my mother eventually told me. Now I’m sharing this closely guarded secret that has been passed down the generations with the Pencil Rubbings community! Although I somehow think that it’s more likely that my “closely guarded secret” was similarly discovered by many other people a long time ago, and is already all over the microwave-possessing part of the world anyway. I really have no idea. Anyway, here it is. How to poach an egg in the microwave. Obviously this only works if you have a microwave oven. I really don't know how common microwaves are outside my own country, so if you have no idea what I’m talking about, then disregard this recipe.


You’ll need:
-An egg (No need to leave it out of the fridge before-hand. Not like when you’re making cakes.)
-A microwave (No need to leave it out of the fridge before-hand either. Assuming you store your microwave in the refrigerator.)
-Bread (Assuming you wish to eat toast with your egg.)
-Toaster (Assuming you want your toast to be toasted, as opposed to raw.)
-Glad-wrap (also known as cling-wrap. The plasticky stuff that people use to wrap things. Like sandwiches, not presents. You know, this sort of thing:

)

-A knife and fork (Not the Murder-Weapon-Knife, or even the Kitchen-Chopping-Things-Knife. Just an ordinary Spreading-Butter-Knife will do.)
-A plate (Unless you want to save on washing up by eating off the bench. But I would not recommend this; very unhygienic.)
-A microwavable cup. (Do check that it’s microwavable. Best results will be if the base is round and about the same size as what a regular poached egg is. Something like this:

)

-Salt and pepper (Depending on taste, or how healthy you want to be.)
-Margarine/butter/table-spread/any other yellow or white stuff you spread on toast
-An adult’s supervision (It’s obligatory, I know.)

The rest is easy.
1. Put a slice of bread in the toaster. You may need to get the afore-mentioned adult to help you cut it if it hasn’t been cut yet.
2. Crack the egg into the cup. Make sure there’s no shell in the egg, you don’t want a crunchy poached egg.
3. Use the fork to prick the yolk. You’re not trying to mix it in, all that’s needed is a quick prick. There shouldn’t be any difference to the naked eye, but this will help prevent the yolk from...gulp...exploding.
4. Cover the top of the cup with the cling-wrap.
5. Possibly the most important step: use that ever handy fork to prick holes in the glad wrap. Probably about three good pokes around the centre of the glad-wrap (but only little holes, don't let them join up to make big holes).

Nope, I haven't put two eggs in (although you can do that if you want). I somehow managed to get a double-yolker egg when I took that photo (that's an egg with two yolks in it if you didn't know).
6. Start the toaster. (The idea here is to try and sync things up so the toast finishes cooking at the same time as the egg does; but this’ll really depend on your toaster and microwave.)
7. Put the cup with the egg in it into the microwave, and cook it for 10 seconds on High (which should be the default setting anyway).
8. This is where things get a little challenging. You want the egg white to cook through, but ideally you want the yolk to still be a little bit runny. After 10 seconds, take the cup out, inspect, and give it a little swirl to make sure it’s cooking evenly. It’ll probably need a little longer. So, put it in for another 10 seconds or so, and continue this procedure until the white looks mostly solid.

9. If you hear a “bang,” there are two things you need to do.
    (a.)  Don’t panic. There’s nothing the matter. All that’s happened is the yolk has exploded. That’s why you put the cling wrap on top of the cup. It just means that your egg won’t quite be cooked as it should, with the yolk a little too crumbly, instead of runny. It’s still definitely edible, and quite tasty. Just blame your adult supervisor for it not being perfect. And stop it earlier next time.
    (b.)  Stop the microwave straight away, and take out the egg.
10. Use the knife to spread the spready stuff onto the toast once it’s cooked, and then use the knife to go round the egg in the cup so it tips out easily onto your toast. Put salt and pepper over the egg if you wish, and then enjoy eating your egg with that ever useful knife and fork.

Wow. That seems rather complicated. It isn’t. Getting the egg cooked just right may take a few attempts, but it’s certainly easier than the traditional poaching method. And there’s far less dishes as well. Just a plate, a cup, a knife, and a fork. Try it. At the very least you’ll be able to tell your friends about how you’re now officially a poacher.